When two people fall in love, the question their love often raises \u2013 should we get married or just move in together? \u2013 brings up a whole bewildering welter of practical, moral, and spiritual considerations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Conflicting advice is everywhere. \u201cSure, marriage is an institution,\u201d some who resist marriage might say, \u201cbut who wants to live in an institution?\u201d Others think of living together as marriage \u201clite,\u201d without the benefits, protections, commitment and trust of a real union.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RELATED: What is a Baha\u2019i Marriage?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n So what\u2019s the right course of action, practically and spiritually? Will either decision alter a couple\u2019s chances of staying together in the long term? Does living together first \u2013 a \u201ctrial marriage\u201d \u2013 make a subsequent actual marriage more or less successful? What about the impact of those choices on children?<\/p>\n\n\n\n In this series of essays we\u2019ll consider the pros and cons of marriage versus living together, and explore what the Baha\u2019i teachings have to say about that important question in light of the quantifiable factual and scientific evidence about modern relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Baha\u2019i Faith<\/a> counsels couples in love to marry \u2013 but only after becoming fully acquainted with each other\u2019s character. Baha\u2019u\u2019llah<\/a>, the prophet and founder of the Baha\u2019i Faith<\/a>, recommended (but did not require) marriage for Baha\u2019is. Abdu\u2019l-Baha<\/a> lyrically praised good marriages, writing<\/a> that among the Baha\u2019is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026 marriage must be a union of the body and of the spirit as well, for here both husband and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamoured of the same matchless Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will endure.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n What does all this mean for those in relationships, regardless of their religion or lack of one \u2013 and what spiritual advice can they glean about love and marriage from the Baha\u2019i teachings? In this series of essays, we\u2019ll explore those questions, but first, let\u2019s look at the actual statistics on living together or getting married and examine a few of the facts about marriage in the modern age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For young people in Western societies, the trend that first took hold in Europe and has now spread to the United States and other countries is cohabitation \u2013 living together as intimate partners without marriage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Across Europe, one large study<\/a> reported in 2006, that the \u201cfirst union\u201d or cohabitation had begun to largely replace direct marriage (defined as a marriage with no prior pre-marital cohabitation). In Sweden, the study reported, \u201cdirect marriages were already very rare among the cohorts born in the 1950s and today they represent barely more than 5% of first unions of women below age 25.\u201d The study added that \u201cIn northern and central Europe, direct marriage, which was still the dominant model for the 1950s cohorts, has rapidly lost ground; only 20% to 30% of first unions before age 25 in the 1965 birth cohort were direct marriages. In Finland, the rate is even lower.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Interestingly, the study also found that the Mediterranean countries stand out in Europe, \u201cwith an overwhelming majority of direct marriages and limited diffusion of non-marital cohabitation. Poland, a very Catholic country, also seems very attached to traditional marriage, whereas, in other eastern European countries, direct marriage is already slightly less predominant among the 1960s cohorts.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Across most of Europe, then, especially among the young, marriage has now very much become a minority practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the United States, the Pew Research Center, in an extensive 2019 analysis<\/a> of the U.S. National Survey of Family Growth, has found that the share of American adults aged 18 to 44 who have lived with an unmarried partner \u2013 59% \u2013 now surpasses the share who have ever been married, currently at 50%. The Pew studies also found, “Young adults are particularly accepting of cohabitation \u2013 78% of those ages 18 to 29 say it\u2019s acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together, even if they don\u2019t plan to get married.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, this trend means that today fewer Americans marry \u2013 in 1960, 72% of U.S. adults were married; in 1995, that number had declined to 58%; and in 2019 the percentage was 53%. Those numbers reflect two distinct realities \u2013 fewer people are getting married; those who do marry tend to do so much later in life than previous generations did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the United States in 1960, for example, the average marital age for women was 20, and for men it was 23. Today, those averages have risen to 28 and 30, respectively. This relatively rapid change reflects several major factors \u2013 increasing educational levels, the wide use of birth control, economic pressures, and the increasing equality of women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Despite all of that, U.S. Census Bureau statistics show that far fewer people now live together \u2013 7% of American adults \u2013 than the 53% who are married. However, if the trend toward cohabitation rather than getting married continues in the United States, younger generations will increasingly forego marriage \u2013 and \u201cputting a ring on it\u201d will decline, as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Given all of this rapid, stark social change, most Western societies seem to be gradually moving away from a culture of marriage. Beyond the individual considerations each couple has to consider, what does that trend mean for society as a whole?<\/p>\n\n\n\n RELATED: Just Married? Start Building Unity When the Marriage Begins<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Is it more desirable for society if people get married rather than live together? Yes, much of the evidence tells us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n From a purely statistical measure, marriage tends to make relationships last longer<\/a>, generate a more permanent sense of commitment among couples, foster more stable offspring, and contribute to the solidity and overall well-being of communities, the research consistently shows. When relationships result in children, those children generally tend to be happier, better educated, significantly advantaged economically, and more secure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n People generally recognize those facts. A majority of the American public believes that \u201csociety will be better off\u201d if people marry, the Pew research reveals. When asked why, respondents generally agreed that \u201cprobably because they consider it a more stable environment for raising children,\u201d according to an analysis by Time<\/a> Magazine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The Baha\u2019i teachings consider<\/a> marriage a divine institution<\/a>, and regard \u201cmarriage and the family as the bedrock of the whole structure of human society<\/strong>,\u201d according to The Universal House of Justice<\/a>. Baha\u2019u\u2019llah<\/a> himself ordained marriage for Baha\u2019is, and Abdu\u2019l-Baha<\/a> characterized marriage as \u201ca holy institution and much encouraged in this blessed cause.<\/strong>\u201d In one of the Baha\u2019i marriage prayers, he wrote<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined marriage upon the peoples, that the generations of men may succeed one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long as the world shall last, they may busy themselves at the Threshold of Thy oneness with servitude and worship, with salutation, adoration and praise.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n But what about moving in together as a prelude to marriage? We\u2019ll explore that question in the next essay in this series.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When two people fall in love, the question their love often raises \u2013 should we get married or just move in together? \u2013 brings up a whole bewildering welter of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":82694,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2950],"tags":[3100,3017],"series":[5247],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=82691"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":82764,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82691\/revisions\/82764"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/82694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=82691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=82691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=82691"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bahaiteachings.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=82691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
Modern Marriage and the Rise of Cohabitation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
American Marriage and Cohabitation Practices Today <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Marriage as a Primary Pillar of Society<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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